May 7, 2010.

I thought I'd post a bit about me and things. Chris and I have been married 25 years this year! Can't believe that much time has passed. We do not have children. I'm not really sure there is any one single reason why we did not have kids. For years we used the excuse (or should I say, I used the excuse) that we lived in an apartment. It was small and I didn't want to raise a child in small apartment.

Then, in 1992 a couple weeks after my dad died I had a grand mal seizure. Just happened. I did have some warning signs leading up to it, but since I'd never had one before I ignored them and "wammo" it happened. Doctors ran bunch of tests, could find nothing. Sent me home, said it probably would not happen again. Two years later, it did happen again. This time they put me on anti-seizure medication. I was 30 at that time. The medicine had a big side effect of birth defects. My doctor told me if I thought about having kids, to come back and other medicines would be explored. So, then for many years I used this medicine as my excuse.

By the time I was able to stop taking this medicine (had not had any more seizures) I was almost 40 years old. I then decided, I was too old and we were to set in our ways.

Funny thing is, my mom knew years ago that I was not going to have kids. She never did bug me about when or why. For one thing, she was not sure I could physically have them. At the age of 11 I had severe appendicitis that actually affected my female organs. The doctor at the time told her he wasn't sure I could.

But, I never actually tried so who knows. Deep down inside, I could never picture myself a mom. I become an emotional wreck when one of my dogs is sick, not sure how I would be if it was my own child. I do regret this decision somewhat. I think Chris may regret it more then he admits to.

Some people tell me...hey, you can still adopt. But, I just don't see that for me. Perhaps being child-free was how my life was intended to be. It's something I may never know.