May 27, 2010.

What a day. Rudy was at the vet all day. They cleaned his teeth, did X-Rays, did some swab tests. No problems with his teeth, but on the X-ray there is a cloudy, suspicious area in his right sinus. They took samples from that area and have sent them to an outside lab. His poor nose is so sore and red. His breathing is much noisier tonight, so I imagine it must be swollen inside. The doctor thinks it's either a bacterial or fungal infection..or possibly cancer. His symptoms for whatever this is actually began showing up over the winter. We thought it was either dry air or his allergies. His eye began to run a bit in January and he would periodically rub his nose with his paw and make this groany sound. It was not a groan of pain, sounded more like a groan of...oh, this feels good. For some reason, it didn't concern me...but, maybe it should have.

But, I am really struggling with anxiety and worry. Partly over him and what the tests will show, but also over finances. This was expensive. His total bill was 598.00. And that does not include the 75.00 we spent on Wednesday. Vet bills really go up fast when you start throwing in different X-Rays, special lab work. The test for the fungal infection alone is 100.00 and that is mainly due to the fact there are so many different kinds of fungus's to test for. We have had some help from friends, I sold little bit of jewelry, we took some of the track money and I had some in the checkbook. After all that, we were able to cover the vet bills and we still have 10.00 left over. I know I should be happy we covered the check...instead, I am just having problems with the realization we are so low in cash. Luckily we have some money coming in from the cinema in the next couple of days so we can keep gas in the cars. Next week will get better. Chris gets paid on Tuesday, I get paid on Friday.

I'm also still doing the garage sale. If I can just get even a couple hundred bucks in the bank so we have some cushion money, I'll feel better. Dave Ramsey is right in how he says women deal with money issues. We just want the security of it.

Chris got so mad at me tonight. He said..you seem more worried about the money then you do about how Rudy is. I couldn't deny it. And it troubles me. I love my dog more then I love most people....but, I'm still so focused on the money. And it troubles me that I am so focused on it. Why can't I turn my trust over to God on these matters?