May 6, 2010.

I didn't post much yesterday, it was a difficult day. I was going to post a long thing here about some problems my husband and I are having, but decided against it. Let's just say, Chris and I do not have a perfect marriage...but, then who really does? His issue for many years has been lying to me about financial issues. For a long time I kept telling myself, it could be worse. He could be having an affair and lying to me about that. But, when it comes down to it...trust in your spouse is trust no matter what the issue.

It has been a thorn in our marriage for many years, but only recently have I finally said to him enough is enough. We sought counseling with our minster a month ago. And I do believe he is really trying to control this. Yesterday it happened again with a phone call he took here at home. I could tell he was trying not to let me hear him. When he hung up I asked who it was and the lie he told me was so bad I almost laughed. I looked up the number and called it back and it was a collection agency. We are still struggling out from underneath the business we used to own and this was related to that. But, the issue here is his lying.

I asked him why he did this...and his reply was, it was almost like he couldn't control it. I did not become angry, I was more hurt. He genuinely felt ashamed and angry with himself. He told me he would not blame me if I left him.

But, I told him...I am not going to leave you, I love you. And I forgave him. We would up the evening talking to a good friend and it helped both of us greatly.

Our minister feels part of his lying is his trying to protect me. I think this is partially true, but I also feel it's something he can sometimes not control. We are working on this together. And we have the Lord to help us.

Since giving my life to Christ, I have found myself to be more tolerant and more forgiving. Yes, I was very hurt last night...but, I was also very quick to forgive. I cried a lot, but I also forgave a lot.

This is something we will work on together. I am not perfect and neither is he. But, with Christ in our lives we will have an easier time in learning how to sort out things like this.