May 31, 2010. Verse for today.

But, the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one. 2 Thessalonians 3:3

May 30, 2010.

Here is another one of my favorite Christian songs by Rich Mullins. I love all of Rich's music. Rich died in a car accident in 1997. I even remember that day. We were with a choir in our previous church in Lansing, Illinois. I was getting ready for that mornings worship service and another choir remember told us he had heard on the radio that morning that Rich had died in a car accident on his way to a benefit concert in Kansas. One thing I always liked about Rich's music is that he incorporated the hammered dulcimer in many of his songs. I have always wanted to learn to play the hammered dulcimer and admire anyone who can. In the video for Creed he plays it throughout. I'll post a link to this song so you can hear it...just click on the title:

Rich Mullins Creed

I believe in God the Father almighty
Maker of Heaven and Maker of Earth
And in Jesus Christ
His only begotten Son, our Lord
He was conceived by the Holy Spirit
Born of the virgin Mary
Suffered under Pontius Pilate
He was crucified and dead and buried

CHORUS:
And I believe what I believe
Is what makes me what I am
I did not make it, no it is making me
It is the very truth of God and not
The invention of any man

I believe that He who suffered
Was crucified, buried, and dead
He descended into hell and
On the third day, rose again
He ascended into Heaven where
He sits at God's mighty right hand
I believe that He's returning to
Judge the quick and the dead
Of the sons of men

CHORUS

I believe it, I believe it
I believe it
I believe it, I believe it

I believe in God the Father almighty
Maker of Heaven and Maker of Earth
And in Jesus Christ His only begotten Son,
Our Lord
I believe in the Holy Spirit
One Holy Church, the communion of Saints
The forgiveness of sin
I believe in the resurrection
I believe in a life that never ends

CHORUS

I believe it, I believe
I believe it, I believe
I believe it, I believe it

May 30, 2010. Verse for today.

Be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead! 1 Peter 1:6


A nice simple happy verse for today!

May 29, 2010.

I didn't post anything yesterday, just didn't take the time. But, can you believe it? I have had this blog going now for a whole month. A whole month!!! I really did not expect it to go past a couple of days. I'm not sure how many people are still reading it, but I do plan to keep writing in it.

To catch up on things this week....Rudy-dog is better today, though we still do not know what is causing his nose problems. The test results are not back yet, but I really did not expect them back yet. I work for a large animal vet so I know that these tests can sometimes take a few days. Especially tests that check for fungal infections. It just stinks that this is a holiday weekend so getting results back won't happen till Tuesday or Wednesday.

It's been an expensive week. One of those weeks where you so wish you had an emergency fund already in place. Since our bankruptcy finished in the last month or so, we are trying to regroup our finances and establish some kind of savings. So, far it hasn't happened. We have cut back on just about anything we can cut back on. We even shut off our Dish Network and currently have no tv channels. We do stream Netflix through the Wii, so have had that for entertainment. Working at the cinema in the evenings has cut down on anytime we do have to watch it so it hasn't been too painful.

I sometimes feel guilty for not finding a full-time job. After we left The Doghouse, I found myself with 3 days off during the week. I have to admit...it has been nice having those 3 days. I work the other two days at an office, and 5 nights a week at the cinema. (sometimes 6) On my days off during the week, I have joined a Bible study at my church and have begun meeting a friend from church for morning coffee and conversation.

This morning I am going to put in my application at Walmart. I wouldn't mind working there one or two days a week..not sure how they are at working with you if you have another job, but I figured it couldn't hurt to try.

Chris and I had a long talk last night about our finances. We are currently just making all our bills. When you are a salesman as he is, one check of the month has your commission. It's hard to budget when you are never quit sure how much that check will be. This month, it was a lot lower then last month. We did have enough to cover bills...but, just barely. If our utility bill had been higher, we probably would have not had enough. We were supposed to go on a cruise for our 25th wedding anniversary the first week of November. I have for quite awhile now doubted how this was going to happen...and last night, Chris finally came to the realization that there was no way we could go. He cancelled the cruise. I am OK with this, there is always next year. So what if it's our 25th anniversary. We can celebrate a cruise for our 26th.

Prior to the start of this blog, I would have probably felt differently about this. I would have pouted and sulked and felt sorry for myself. Allowing Christ into your life and letting him guide you, it changes things. I still have some of my old ways inside of me...but, they are slowly going away. The cruise just wasn't meant to be....and I'm sure God had a reason for it.

May 29, 2010. Verse for today.

Father, help me to encourage others daily, as long as its called "today" so that they may not be hardened by sin's deceitfulness. Hebrews 3:13

I am not sure I totally understand this verse. Is it to encourage us to minister to others...is it because those who stray away from Christ become hardened by sin?

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;

And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.

When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,

Nor shall the flame scorch you.
For I am the LORD your God,
The Holy One of Israel, your Savior.. Isaiah 43:2-3a

A good friend sent me this in an email today. I really need this today.

May 27, 2010.

What a day. Rudy was at the vet all day. They cleaned his teeth, did X-Rays, did some swab tests. No problems with his teeth, but on the X-ray there is a cloudy, suspicious area in his right sinus. They took samples from that area and have sent them to an outside lab. His poor nose is so sore and red. His breathing is much noisier tonight, so I imagine it must be swollen inside. The doctor thinks it's either a bacterial or fungal infection..or possibly cancer. His symptoms for whatever this is actually began showing up over the winter. We thought it was either dry air or his allergies. His eye began to run a bit in January and he would periodically rub his nose with his paw and make this groany sound. It was not a groan of pain, sounded more like a groan of...oh, this feels good. For some reason, it didn't concern me...but, maybe it should have.

But, I am really struggling with anxiety and worry. Partly over him and what the tests will show, but also over finances. This was expensive. His total bill was 598.00. And that does not include the 75.00 we spent on Wednesday. Vet bills really go up fast when you start throwing in different X-Rays, special lab work. The test for the fungal infection alone is 100.00 and that is mainly due to the fact there are so many different kinds of fungus's to test for. We have had some help from friends, I sold little bit of jewelry, we took some of the track money and I had some in the checkbook. After all that, we were able to cover the vet bills and we still have 10.00 left over. I know I should be happy we covered the check...instead, I am just having problems with the realization we are so low in cash. Luckily we have some money coming in from the cinema in the next couple of days so we can keep gas in the cars. Next week will get better. Chris gets paid on Tuesday, I get paid on Friday.

I'm also still doing the garage sale. If I can just get even a couple hundred bucks in the bank so we have some cushion money, I'll feel better. Dave Ramsey is right in how he says women deal with money issues. We just want the security of it.

Chris got so mad at me tonight. He said..you seem more worried about the money then you do about how Rudy is. I couldn't deny it. And it troubles me. I love my dog more then I love most people....but, I'm still so focused on the money. And it troubles me that I am so focused on it. Why can't I turn my trust over to God on these matters?

May 27, 2010. Verse for today.

The Lord is good, a stronghold in a day of trouble; he protects those who take refuge in him, even in a rushing flood. Nahum 1:7

I found this one by just opening my Bible.

May, 26, 2010.

We took Rudy-dog to the vet yesterday and he has to go back tomorrow. They are going the sedate him so they can do X-Rays and also clean his teeth. The vet listed about 5 different things it can be. It can be either:

1. An abscessed tooth. He's not swollen in his upper jaw, so X-Rays will show if this is the problem.
2. An infection in the sinus.
3. A foreign object in his sinus. Dogs eat grass and stick. Vet says these things can sometimes get up into the sinus from the back of the throat.
4. A blood clotting disorder.
5. A tumor.

He was bleeinge from the right side of his nose yesterday without even sneezing. Excitement seemed to trigger it so while we were at the vet his nose was dripping the whole time. I had a towel and kept wiping it.

He did put him on an antibiotic and also a Chinese herbal pill that is suppose to help stop his nose from bleeding. My vet is a regular and also holistic vet. I searched on the Internet for a holistic vet several years ago and found Battle Ground Veterinary Clinic in Lafayette, Indiana. Dr. Witke practices both standard vet medicine as well as holistic and he also does acupuncture. I have found his prices to be lower on some things, more on other things compared to other vets. It's their bedside manner that keeps me going back...I have never been to a vet who spent so much time with my dog and showed so much compassion.

Anyway, Rudy goes back tomorrow. Chris is taking him, I have to work. But, I will be worried about him all day.

In church Sunday when it came time for parishioners to ask for prayers or concerns, I at first did not say a word about Rudy. I'm not really sure why. My friend behind me encouraged me to ask for prayers for Rudy. I was partly afraid I would start crying, but also felt a bit uncomfortable asking. I'm not sure if it's because Rudy is our dog and not a human child. In the end, Chris spoke up and asked for prayers for Rudy.

May 26, 2010. Verse for today.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

Yes, we must confess our sins. So many of us go through our days and sin, but then when we go to church on Sunday we think that makes it all better. Not so.......

May 25, 2010.

Just a quick post for now today. We are taking Rudy-dog to the vet on Saturday. He is still sneezing out blood, but since we turned on the AC his sneezes are not as frequent. This is a bit reassuring to me....perhaps this is just a case of bad allergies. I'm sure the vet will want to do an Xray to rule out the other bad things. And this is fine, it will reassure my mind. We have a couple of wonderful friends who have stepped in to help alleviate some of the financial strain this is putting on us.

And, I have decided (I may be crazy) but, to have a garage sale. Garage sales are soooo much work. But, I have lots of stuff I'm sure I can find to sell. I'm going to ask my mom if I can use her garage. We have a carport, but we do lack parking here. Plus, I just don't have anywhere I can seclude the dogs so they don't go bonkers all day with people coming and going.

I'm shooting for having the garage sale mid-June. This way, if Rudy does have more serious problems I can help supplement his bills with this. If he doesn't, I can use the money to help defray both his and Charlotte's yearly vaccinations which are due mid-summer.

Financially, we are slowly recovering from what happened to us. It is a slow crawl out of a hole. I'm hoping that as each month passes, we will have a bit more extra money that we can begin to rebuild our emergency fund. But, as life usually goes...just when you think your over the top of the hill...a surprise repair/bill shows up. Chris had to have a medical procedure last month and since we have a high deduct able, we will have a new monthly payment coming in from the hospital soon. Not to mention we owe the clinic and a diagnostic lab money from this.

So, a garage sale I will have. I've even thought about other avenues of making a little money on the side. I feel guilty that I am only working two days a week, plus evenings at the cinema. Since we left the restaurant Chris does not want me working a full-time job...he wants me to enjoy having some time during the week to do things like the Bible Study class, etc. I have worked full-time for over 25 years and it is so weird for me not to. So, I've thought about trying the ebay route of selling stuff. But, not sure how lucrative that can be. Some folks seem to do really well with this, but I'm not sure what really sells and makes money on ebay. Guess I need to do a bit of research.

Ok...enough babbling for today!

EDITED: Rudy is bleeding from the same side of his nose as the runny eye. This morning his nose began bleeding and he hadn't even sneezed. We're taking him to the vet today.

May 25, 2010. Verse for today.

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5 16-18.

Something my husband and I don't do often enough is to pray before a meal, or really do much praying at all together. It still feels a tad awkward to me, but we are working on it!

May 24, 2010. Verse for today.

The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; The God of my strength, in whom I will trust . 2 Samuel22:2


I saw this on someone else's Facebook page. There are so many scriptures demonstrating Gods love and strength! After my post yesterday, I really need to read more of these.

May 23, 2010.

Our two dogs are like two kids to us. We do not have human kids, so my furry, four-legged canines have become my kids. I have often wondered what would happen if one of them got sick. How far financially would we be able to help them. Many people who are not pet people do not understand the attachment you get to these creatures.

In the last couple of years our finances have taken a nose-dive, partly due to bad money management and a big part to the business we are no longer involved in. This resulted last year in a bankruptcy that is still not totally settled, but should be shortly. Our budget is tight and we have no emergency cash to speak of. In the midst of the bankruptcy when we were really struggling with the business, some things happened where we had to sell things in order to pay necessary bills. The first to be sold were all but one of Chris' guns. Later we sold some silver bars and coins to get the money for a second car. It's been a struggle.

Now, one of our dogs is showing some troublesome signs. Rudy will be 7 this year. He has always suffered from seasonal allergies. He will sneeze a bit more then the normal dog in the springtime. This spring, though, his sneezing is ten times worse. I just figured it was a worse then normal allergy season. One of his eyes has been running constantly. Then, in the last few days when he sneezes hard, blood and phlegm flies from his nose. For several days I have been finding spots of blood around the house and had no clue which dog it was coming from. Yesterday I figured it out when Rudy sneezed in front of my and a glob appeared on the floor.

In researching this, there are two primary causes. His allergies or a nasal tumor. Signs of the tumor are a runny eye, sneezing with bloody discharge. He is so far not showing the other signs which are loud snoring or noisy breathing.

To solve this he would need an X-ray at the vet, probably some blood work. Any work like this at a vet is expensive. We simply do not have the money. Chris' and I discussed this today between me crying. He said he would come up with the money. I told him the money is not just going to materialize and we are not borrowing. He is positive that we will have some cash coming back to us after the debts are settled in the bankruptcy. Yes, that is possible...but, this bankruptcy has been going on for over a year. We could wait several more months for any funds that are due back to us. I have two rings I can sell that would probably cover it all. One has my engagement diamond and my grandmothers ruby. I am willing to sell this, he is not.

Chris keeps telling me I need to put my faith in the Lord. I am having a very hard time with this right now. Very hard time.

I have to edit my post and say....my verse for today is a great verse for me today! I feel bad that I posted about my faith in the Lord faltering. It is not He who is faltering me...it is I who am faltering in my faith in Him. My old ways were to quickly blame things on God. Why is that???I still have so much growing and learning to do.

May 23, 2010. Verse for today.

Lord God, help me presently believe, then one day see, that my present suffering cannot be compared to the glory that You will reveal in me. Romans 8:18

This is a nice scripture to memorize and think about next time there is something going on in your life that you makes you stressed or anxious.

May 22, 2010.

I'm sitting here at home, waiting for Chris to get home from the track. I got home a little bit ago, tired, headache and I'm sure I stink from grilling food there and the combination of other smells that you get at a go-cart track. So, while I wait for him to get home, I thought I would post about a movie he and I watched early this afternoon.

We made a quick trip down to Lafayette to pick up a few things. We stopped at the Christian Bookstore. I picked up a cool t-shirt and when I checked out they always have these 5.00 specials sitting at the register. Before we checked out, Chris showed me a movie he wanted to check if Netflix had because he had been wanting to see it. The movie is Called Flywheel and is the first movie made by the Sherwood Baptist Church. This church made the movie Fireproof as well as Facing the Giants. I've seen Fireproof, but have seen the other one.

Anyway, when I checked out the movie Flywheel was one of their 5.00 specials. So, I picked it up and we watched it right after we got home.

This movie was made by the church and most of the actors in it were members of the church. The budget for the movie was a meager 20,000. The movie gained a big following and made it to many theaters after it was made. You can tell that it was made on a low budget, but the story is a wonderful one. I won't give it away here...if you want to borrow it I would be glad to loan it out. The main actor in the movie was one of the churches ministers at the time. He also directed and wrote the story.

I can say that the movie really talks about the positive power of prayer and how it can truly impact your life. I now want to see their other movie, Facing the Giants. I'll have to check Netflix for that one!

May 22, 2010. Verse for today.

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:32


This can be very hard to do sometimes, but in His name and in His power...we must!

May 21, 2010.

There are many Christian recording groups and artists I like. Casting Crowns, Michael W. Smith, Rich Mullins, Michael Card, Point of Grace, Matthew West..just to name a few. One of my favorites is MercyMe. On days where I just can't think of anything to write about, I think I may post the lyrics to some of my favorites songs. This song by MercyMe is one of them:

How Great is Your Love

My heart is steadfast of God
And I will sing
With all my heart and soul
Music for the King
And I will awake the dawn
With my praise to you O Lord

[CHORUS:]
How great is Your love
So much higher than the heavens
With faithfulness that reaches the sky
How great is Your love
So much higher than the heavens
With faithfulness that reaches the sky
O how great is Your love

Praise the Lord O my soul
And glory to the King
Forever You are robed with majesty
We come to you O Lord
And Lay our praise at your feet

[CHORUS]

[BRIDGE:]
Be exalted O God and let Your glory reign
Be exalted O God and let Your glroy reign
Let it reign
Let it reign
Let it reign
Let it reign
Let it reign
Let it reign

[CHORUS]

Here is a Youtube link if you would like to listen to it. It starts off a little different then the actual song on the CD, but it's the same. I just love this song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Giwd-i4QNk&feature=PlayList&p=2FFF0569A236D2C3&playnext_from=PL&playnext=1&index=35

May 21, 2010. Verse for today.

"Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28


This is another off the bookmark I spoke of yesterday.

May 20, 2010

I have a gadget that I use when I walk. It's a geeky sports gadget that Chris gave me about 6 years ago. (maybe 7). Of all the exercise gadgets that I have owned, electronic or otherwise, this is one I use all the time and just love it. It tells me exactly how fast I am walking (or running which I don't do..or biking), tells me how far I've walked and how long it's taken me. It is like a GPS for your wrist and uses satellite signal to track your speed and distance. I usually keep to a 17 to 18 minute per mile pace when I walk. Sometimes faster, sometimes slower. It's like my own personal training assistant on my wrist.

Since I accepted Jesus as my Savior several weeks ago, he has kind of also become my personal training assistant...but, with life. He is with me when I am walking, sleeping, working, etc. He can see when I am sad or happy. If I need to talk, but nobody is around...I have found myself talking to him. I have also begun using the Bible as my assistant. I often will just page through it, reading random sections or verses...finding new things in it all the time.

I love my electronic walking gadget...but, more then that I love my new found faith that I have in Jesus Christ.

May 20, 2010. Verse for today.

In my distress I called upon the Lord; to my God I called. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry came to his ears. 2 Samuel 22:7

When my mother-in-law visited last week, she returned a book to me and in it she left a cardboard bookmark. I put it in my Bible as on it is a list of Healing Scriptures. This verse was the first on the list. A very comforting verse.

May 19, 2010.

Chris and I have decided to join the Worship Team at church. For the third service the Worship Team leads it. There is a lot more singing with modern Christian songs. We were involved briefly in a similar thing at our previous church, but there it was just a piano or recorded music. At Brushwood there are several members who musically talented. There are drummers, bass player and piano player, plus several who sing and have very nice voices. I've toyed with joining for quite some time, but Chris and I decided now was the time.

Tonight is our first practice with the team and I'm very much looking forward to it. They are a great and fun bunch of people!

May 19, 2010. Verse for today.

My Father, help me to know that the Lord my God is God. You are the faithful God, keeping Your covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love You and keep Your commands. Deuteronomy 7:9

A good verse for when you are doubting God.

May 18, 2010.

Chris and some friends of ours...we are all working on getting ourselves healthier, trying to lose some weight and getting a bit more exercise. We are all trying to eat healthier. (I refuse to use the word diet) Trying to eat more fruits, veggies...less fast food. Fast food is fast...but, it will kill you if you eat to much.

Anyway, we are all doing very well! My friend and I are trying to find time when we can walk together. This is proving to be beneficial in many ways. It's exercise, but it is also a time to talk and share. As I have said in other posts here, it's been a long time since I had someone I could just talk and share with. (aside from Chris, of course)

In the Bible, Jesus had several very close friends. He prayed with them, cried with them, just hung-out with them. It is comforting to have someone you know you can call and share things with..especially life's frustrations. It's nice having friends you can pray with, cry with and just hang-out with!

May 18, 2010. Verse for today.

How I thank You, Lord, for having the power to turn any curse into a blessing for me, because You, the Lord my God, love me. Deuteronomy 23:5

I just love these Bible verses I am finding!

May 17, 2010. The Motions.

I really like this song.



The Motions by Matthew West


This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

take me all the way (take me all the way)
take me all the way ('cause I don't wanna go through the motions)
take me all the way (I know I'm finally feeling something real)
take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

take me all the way (take me all the way)
take me all the way (I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go)
take me all the way (through the motions)
take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions

May 16, 2010. Verse for today.

Lord Jesus, Your precious blood of the covenant was poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins. Matthew 26:28


You poured Your own blood for my forgiveness. Hopefully I can so easily forgive others and that my heart not be too hard.

May 16, 2010.

Today is Sunday and it looks like it's going to be a nice day. Not much is happening right now, life just plods along. Yesterday I sat down at my piano and played a bit. I haven't played the piano regularly in over 10 years. The piano is badly out of tune, but not so bad that you can't play it. I would say it has not been tuned in over 20 years, so considering how long it's been and how many times this piano has been moved...it still sounds fairly good.

I've been told playing the piano is like riding a bike...you don't forget it. But, my problem is when I was younger and playing regularly I wasn't that good at it. I wish now I had applied myself better when I was a teenager and taking lessons. I was the kid who went to lessons, but then didn't practice much in between. I think I stopped taking lessons when I was a Junior. I did accompany the youth choir at church right out of high school. And I was the accompanist for a couple years when I was in Job's Daughters. But, after I got married I didn't have a piano for awhile. My mom gave me hers a few years after, but by then playing was not something I was real interested in.

I regret that now, but have a renewed interest in it. I many times have wished I played well enough to accompany Chris when he sings. Perhaps if I work and practice, I can reach that level. But, sitting and trying to figure out some of the music yesterday I realize this is going to take some patience and time. I have a good friend who said she would help me and I think I'm going to need it. I have even forgotten what some of the symbols mean. The ones that tell you when to go back in the music, when to jump forward.

So, for now I will continue plunking my way through the music. Sometimes what I play sounds great, sometimes, not so great. But, I'll keep at it. Practice, practice and more practice. At least my dog Rudy didn't whine at me yesterday as he did earlier last week when I was playing!

May 16, 2010. Verse for today.

Lord, I have come with weeping: I have prayed as You brought me back. You will lead me beside streams of water on a level path where I will not stumble, because You are my Father. Jeremiah 31:9

I am really enjoying posting these verses everyday. So many of them are so comforting!

May 15, 2010. Verse for today.

When I am afraid, I put my trust in You. Psalm 56:3


This is something I am learning today more and more each day.

May 14, 2010.

I wanted to share in interesting conversation I had with a friend of mine the other day. This friend I will refer to as B. B is a really nice guy, 41 years old and is really just a big kid at heart. He is carefree, easy-going, just lets life lead him as it goes with not much care in the world. He likes to have fun. But, I also am getting the impression that he is deep down a lonely guy. Chris and I started helping him at the business he owns in the evenings and we have become pretty good friends. I've learned a lot about him in the short time I have worked for him. He is the type of person who would help you in any way he could. He seems to be kind of lost in life, no certain direction and no very close friends that I have met. And no lady friends. He has said to me more then one time, that he is just lonely and would love to be in a serious relationship, but just can't seem to find the right person.

The business he owns is a small movie theater. This week we have been showing a Christian movie called Letters to God. Chris and I worked to get this movie here and it has proved to be very successful. We did a little bit of promoting on it, but it really drew the people in on it's own. I think after the first people came to see it the first night, word of mouth began to help draw more.

One evening this past week a friend of B's came to see the movie with his wife. My first impression of this guy was...I didn't think this was the kind of movie he would like. Tough, bald guy with tattoos. He seemed to have a very odd sense of humor and just struck me as a little weird. After the movie started, B began telling me about this guy.

It seems they had once been very, very good friends. Went to high school together, played in bands together, etc. The friend was a former wrestler...the kind of see on TV who do ridiculous stunts and theatrics. B also mentioned they weren't as close friends anymore. I mentioned that this movie did not seem the kind he would like. B informed me,...no, it is his kind of movie. He said several years ago his friend found God...and that was when their friendship began to falter. B said his friend got so wrapped up in the "God" thing that it got in the way of their friendship. B told he his friend is real fanatical about it, goes on mission trips, has Jesus written all over this car.

I asked him..."is that such a bad thing?" B just kind of shrugged, didn't reply much. I asked him what happened to his friend to cause this change. B said, he didn't know. I asked him if he had ever asked his friend why the change. He replied, no...he didn't like to ask him anything about God as he said his friend would then talk and talk and not shut-up about it. It told him, maybe you should ask him why he accepted Christ into his life.

At that point, customers came out of the theater for some popcorn and the conversation never continued.

I told my husband, I am going to ask B if he would like to come to church with us some Sunday. I know he will probably say no, but you never know. He truly seems like a person searching for something. It's almost like he feels something missing from his life, but doesn't know what it is. What he interprets as loneliness...could possibly be an empty spirit inside of him.

Later, I began to think about this conversation. This is a conversation a few months ago I would have never dreamed of having with someone. When he first mentioned his friend had found God..and I asked him, is that such a bad thing. After I said it, I kind of surprised myself that those words came out of my mouth. It's amazing how having Christ in your life does change you!!!!!

May 14, 2010. Verse for the day.

O God, though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet Your unfailing love for me will not be shaken nor Your covenant of peace be removed. You are the Lord who has compassion on me. Isaiah 54:10


It's amazing to me how comforting so many Bible verses are. I've really been missing out all these years!

May 13, 2010. Verse for the day.

Help me, Lord, not to be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present my requests to You. And Your peace, O God, which transcends all understanding, will guard my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus. Philippines 4:6-7


Me, anxious?? For many years I have been the queen of stress and anxiety. And it's funny, the Upper Room devotion for yesterday focused on prayer. Since truly allowing Christ into my life, my anxieties have been better. I can't say they are completely gone, but I am learning to deal with them better and just take things as they come.

May 12, 2010.

In an earlier post here I spoke of why I don't have children. But, that is not exactly true. Here are my kids!

The one on the chair is Rudy, and the one on the stool is Charlotte. Can you tell they are a bit spoiled?

Rudy is almost 7 years old. He was a gift to my husband from my mom a year after his accident. He and Chris are best buddies. Charlotte came to us from the humane society on Morocco. I did not want two dogs, but it just kind of happened and that is another story I will have to tell someday.

May 12, 2010. Verse for today.

Blessed am I because my transgressions are forgiven. Blessed am I because my sins are covered. Psalm 32:1

Isn't it wonderful knowing that no matter how bad we screw up, the Lord will always be there if we just ask for forgiveness and accept him as our Savior?

May 11, 2010.

I had coffee again this morning with a friend. We had a very nice time, chatted for two hours. This is a habit I could really get used to! Tonight, work again at the cinema. This could be a very busy night there as one local church has offered to pay the admission for anyone who wants to see the movie we are showing which is Letters to God. This same church did this at another theater with the movie Fireproof and the show was sold out. So, we'll see. I don't think they had as much time to spread the word this time, but it's a small town...and word spreads fast here.

Life has been fairly mundane this week...which is good! I like mundane. That means nothing stressful is happening. Or could it be, I am just handling day to day stress a little better then I used to? Who knows. The past month has brought many changes deep inside me and it's taking some getting used to. It is really hard to describe and put down in words. I think the person it has impacted the most is my husband. He didn't quite know what to make of me for a week or so. I think it has made him begin looking inside himself. After that conversation we had where I asked him if he had ever accepted Christ into his heart...and he said he wasn't sure...he has been doing lots of thinking. This can be good or bad for Chris. He tends to over-think and obsess about things. He has never answered yet my question, but he has said he feels that the Lord is calling him to do something. At first he thought it was the ministry, but last night he says he's not so sure its that. He has been active in missions work, so maybe it's in that area. He is a good singer, so maybe it's spreading the word of Christ in music is what he should be doing. Or perhaps he will find himself more active in lay leadership at church.

I don't know, I just know right now he is not really sure and he's trying to sort things out within himself. Since he's accident, he's a little bit different of a person. But, I suppose if I had come so close to death I would be different as well.

If anyone is reading this blog, just say a prayer for him. I think he could use it right now.

May 11, 2010. Verse for the day.

Dear Jesus, You told Your close followers who were taught how to seek the Father's heart that whatever they asked for in prayer, that they were to believe they received it and it would be theirs. Mark 11:24

Prayer is something that I am just beginning to be comfortable with, but still find a bit hard to do. It is something I try to work on each day.

May 10, 2010.

This evening I'm sitting at the cinema babysitting the movie that is playing. I'm bored so thought I'd just post some randomness here on my blog. I really hadn't thought of anything specific to write today. The movie Letters to God is still playing here. I've seen it twice now, not sure I want to watch it a third time. Crying twice through a movie is enough! We have had a great turn out for it which really makes me feel good. It's nice knowing there are people who want to see Christian based movies...and that the usual smut at the theaters is not the only thing that draws people. I just wish they would make more of them. The company who made this one is working on another one that should be out next year, so I'm going to keep an eye for it.

Anyway....as I said, just random thoughts this evening. And, for some reason my brain is kind of blank. During the day I had thought about some things I wanted to write about here, but now....I'll be darned if I can't think of what they were!

Chris and I made a decision to turn off our direct TV. Couple of reasons. One, we are trying to cut down on expenses. He had a medical test done about a month ago and because we have such a high deductible insurance, we will need to start making payments to the hospital for that. Finances are tight and Direct TV was the most obvious to go. We do have Netflix which we can stream right to our TV and there are tons of television and cable shows, not to mention movies that we can get for 15.00 a month. The TV shows are reruns, but I don't care. To be honest, we do not watch it much anymore. Since working part-time at the cinema, we are not home most evenings. On days I am not working, I don't even turn on the TV. It's going to be weird not having actual television for the first time in well... ever! But, we figured we would give it a try and see how it goes. If we find that we are coming close to strangling each other, then perhaps we will find it in the budget to turn it back on.

Ok...enough boring random thoughts......

May 10, 2010. Verse for the day.

Father, I pray also that the eyes of my heart may be enlightened in order that I may know the hope to which You have called me, the riches of Your glorious inheritance in the saints. Ephesians 1:18

My eyes were enlightened recently!

May 9, 2010.

I have begun reading the Upper Room devotional every day. A couple friends of mine and Chris are trying to read it each day along with the scripture verse, then we are emailing our thoughts on it to each other. We all don't always have time to do the emailing, but I have been making sure I do read it. Today's devotion kind of brought back some memories from the past.

In 2002 Chris was in a serious boating accident. He had been working part-time on one of the sight-seeing boats in downtown Chicago on the weekends. He had decided to quit so he could be home on the weekends, and that particular Saturday was his last day. An accident happened while the boat was docking. I don't really understand how you dock these big boats, but a line that was attached the the boat had been put around a cleat on the dock. Apparently either it was the wrong apparatus to tie the boat to, or the cleat was not anchored in the concrete right..but, under the tension of the boat the cleat pulled out of the dock and sling-shotted into Chris' head. Hit him square in the center, crushing his forehead and slightly fracturing the rear bone that lies against his brain. The rope attached to this cleat hit his right eye, damaging it beyond repair. To this day he is blind in that eye.

I did not get a phone call about this until later in the afternoon. Why the delay is a long story and I won't go into that here. My main point in writing about all this is that at the time, while we were attending church regularly, I was not very close to the Lord. The Upper Room devotion today was about a family who dealt with a son who had been very ill and the comfort they found with God. I wish now that at that time I had been close to the Lord. That time in dealing with the accident and the subsequent surgery was one of the most difficult times of my life. I had never felt so helpless, so uncertain of the future. Our minister at that time and my family and church friends were there, but there was still an emptiness inside of me.

Two years later, Chris had to have the surgery repeated. Complications from the first surgery needed to be fixed. At the time, we had moved here to Rensselaer and had yet to find a new church. So I had no church friends or minister to offer me help during that surgery. I did still have family and friends who lived in Chicago...but, there was that emptiness.

I recall the second surgery was delayed in starting. By the time he was in recovery it was very late. His mom had gone on home, I was left at the hospital alone. It was almost 11PM at night, I was the only one in this huge waiting room. In a big city. It was scary and I was alone. After he was put into his room, I then left to stay at a hotel room I had for the night which was across the street. I remember just feeling empty and alone. I did not sleep at all that night. I did not pray, I did not read the Bible, I did not talk to God. I just laid there all night, wide awake tired and worried.

I wish I could turn back the clock and experience all that with Christ by my side as he is now. I realize, he had really been there through all that with me...but, I did not let him comfort me then.

Wow, this is hard post to type this morning.....I think I'll stop for now.

May 9, 2010. Verse for the day.

One thing I ask of you, Lord, this is what I seek: that I dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon Your beauty and to seek You in Your temple. For in the day of trouble You will keep me safe in Your dwelling; You will hide me in the shelter of Your tabernacle and set me high upon a rock. Psalm 27 4-5

The Book of Psalms has to truly be one of the most beautiful books in the Bible. So many of the verses in this book hold such comfort for when we are troubled.

May 8, 2010.

Last evening at the cinema I work part-time at, we showed a Christian based movie Letters to God. I've been working for about 3 weeks on getting this movie for the cinema to show. I kind of went out on a limb with this movie. There are very few Christian movies made, and even fewer that make it to your local theater and do well. It's kind of sad, really. But, we did get this one and I got informational packets from the producer and I passed them on to as many churches as I could. That and word of mouth, I really hoped a lot of people would come. The movie has a wonderful message.

But, my post today is not really about the movie. Last night at the cinema we did have a good first night turnout. One person who came in was an old friend who my husband and I had not seen in many months. Her and her husband were good friends of ours from when we lived in Lansing, Illinois. We all attended the Methodist church there. This couple are extra special people. After Chris accident, when he needed to be driven to Northwester Hospital every day for several weeks because of his damaged eye....Dennis stepped in to help. I do not drive in the city, plus I needed to return to work. He was on disability so not working, so he volunteered to be Chris chauffeur during this time. He would not let us give him any money for gas. When Chris had his surgery, they drove both of us to the hospital and stayed with me that whole long day. You will never meet two nicer people.

They moved to the Morocco area about six months before we moved here to Rensselaer. Over the last 6 years, we have not kept in real close touch. We seem them occasionally around town..bumping into them at restaurants or stores. Dennis has occasionally come into the restaurant we used to own.

Last fall, he popped in there early one day. It was before we had even opened for that day. When I first saw him that day, I thought something looked different. He was not his usually jovial self...very reserved. Him and Chris sat down and talked for a good hour before Chris asked me to join them. Dennis had come in to let us know he was very sick. Cancer, but he did not go into specifics. I asked him how serious it was, and his reply...pretty serious. Even though he did not say it, I had a feeling it was so serious that his time on earth was short. We all chatted for a bit longer, and then he stood up to leave. We hugged him and promised to keep in touch.

But, we didn't. Ever since that day, I have often thought...we need to call on them. But, I didn't. I think partly because I was afraid and didn't know what to say. I have difficulty offering others words of comfort when someone is sick and dying. I tend to avoid dealing with those types of things.

Last evening, Dennis wife shows up at the cinema with a friend. We had never seen her there before and it was such a wonderful surprise. She had no idea we worked there. After laughs and smiles that goes with seeing someone you haven't seen in awhile, I gave her a hug and asked her how Dennis was doing. Her reply was, not good. She began to cry and we hugged some more.

After the movie, we talked a little more. I promised her we would keep in touch...and I mean it this time. We wanted to go visit them today, but she said if he was having a good day today they were going to go visit their son.

That day last fall when he stopped in at the restaurant to share his sad news with us...it almost seemed to me like he was saying his goodbye to us. I was grateful to learn last evening that we do still have time to see him and to say our own goodbyes to him. Death is not an easy thing, but hiding from it as I have done is not a good thing either.

May 8, 2010 verse for the day.

I am a chosen person, part of a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to You, God, that I may declare the praises of You who called me out of darkness into Your wonderful light. 1 Peter 2:9

This verse kind of makes me feel special in the eyes of the Lord. I am a chosen person! Me, little old me....part of his nation and loved by God. While I may not seem special in anyway in my own eyes...I know that I am to the Lord!

May 7, 2010.

I thought I'd post a bit about me and things. Chris and I have been married 25 years this year! Can't believe that much time has passed. We do not have children. I'm not really sure there is any one single reason why we did not have kids. For years we used the excuse (or should I say, I used the excuse) that we lived in an apartment. It was small and I didn't want to raise a child in small apartment.

Then, in 1992 a couple weeks after my dad died I had a grand mal seizure. Just happened. I did have some warning signs leading up to it, but since I'd never had one before I ignored them and "wammo" it happened. Doctors ran bunch of tests, could find nothing. Sent me home, said it probably would not happen again. Two years later, it did happen again. This time they put me on anti-seizure medication. I was 30 at that time. The medicine had a big side effect of birth defects. My doctor told me if I thought about having kids, to come back and other medicines would be explored. So, then for many years I used this medicine as my excuse.

By the time I was able to stop taking this medicine (had not had any more seizures) I was almost 40 years old. I then decided, I was too old and we were to set in our ways.

Funny thing is, my mom knew years ago that I was not going to have kids. She never did bug me about when or why. For one thing, she was not sure I could physically have them. At the age of 11 I had severe appendicitis that actually affected my female organs. The doctor at the time told her he wasn't sure I could.

But, I never actually tried so who knows. Deep down inside, I could never picture myself a mom. I become an emotional wreck when one of my dogs is sick, not sure how I would be if it was my own child. I do regret this decision somewhat. I think Chris may regret it more then he admits to.

Some people tell me...hey, you can still adopt. But, I just don't see that for me. Perhaps being child-free was how my life was intended to be. It's something I may never know.

May 7, verse for today.

Lord God, help me presently believe, then one day see, that my present suffering cannot be compared to the glory that You will reveal in me. Romans 8:18

How great is His love! How wonderful He is that no matter how bad we screw up or sin....His love and glory are ours if we just allow Him into our lives!

May 6, 2010.

I didn't post much yesterday, it was a difficult day. I was going to post a long thing here about some problems my husband and I are having, but decided against it. Let's just say, Chris and I do not have a perfect marriage...but, then who really does? His issue for many years has been lying to me about financial issues. For a long time I kept telling myself, it could be worse. He could be having an affair and lying to me about that. But, when it comes down to it...trust in your spouse is trust no matter what the issue.

It has been a thorn in our marriage for many years, but only recently have I finally said to him enough is enough. We sought counseling with our minster a month ago. And I do believe he is really trying to control this. Yesterday it happened again with a phone call he took here at home. I could tell he was trying not to let me hear him. When he hung up I asked who it was and the lie he told me was so bad I almost laughed. I looked up the number and called it back and it was a collection agency. We are still struggling out from underneath the business we used to own and this was related to that. But, the issue here is his lying.

I asked him why he did this...and his reply was, it was almost like he couldn't control it. I did not become angry, I was more hurt. He genuinely felt ashamed and angry with himself. He told me he would not blame me if I left him.

But, I told him...I am not going to leave you, I love you. And I forgave him. We would up the evening talking to a good friend and it helped both of us greatly.

Our minister feels part of his lying is his trying to protect me. I think this is partially true, but I also feel it's something he can sometimes not control. We are working on this together. And we have the Lord to help us.

Since giving my life to Christ, I have found myself to be more tolerant and more forgiving. Yes, I was very hurt last night...but, I was also very quick to forgive. I cried a lot, but I also forgave a lot.

This is something we will work on together. I am not perfect and neither is he. But, with Christ in our lives we will have an easier time in learning how to sort out things like this.

May 6, todays Bible verse.

You, my God, have put Your words in my mouth and covered me with the shadow of Your hand---You who set the heavens in place, who laid the foundations of the earth, and who say to Zion, "You are my people." Isaiah 51:16

Very comforting verse. I am really enjoying posting my verse of the day. The words are very comforting to me and seem to really go along with things that are happening in my day to day life.

Verse for today, May 5.

Dear Lord, why am I always surprised at the painful trials I suffer, as though something strange were happening to me. Help me to rejoice that I participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that I may be overjoyed when Your glory is revealed. If I am insulted because of the name of Your Son, Christ, I am blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rest on me. 1 Peter 4:12-14

Long verse today, but a very comforting one. When we face problems in our life, it's comforting to remember that Christ suffered for us. When we are weary or discouraged, his example of endurance in suffering should help us to face our problems with a clearer head and a compassionate heart.

May 4, continued.

Well, I voted today...did you?

Also today I met a friend for conversation and coffee. We had a very nice time and very nice conversation. We both shared our problems and concerns with just life in general. She needed someone to talk to and I was more the happy to listen. I don't really know if I said words that were comforting, sometimes just being there to listen is all people need. We will be meeting again next week for conversation and coffee and I am really looking forward to it.

I've spent many years kind of avoiding close contact with others. I know that sounds weird, but I've never really had anyone who I can open up to, to share my frustrations with life. Yes, I do have a husband I can do that with..but, sometimes you need others. I'm beginning to think it's not really because I didn't have friends...but, more I didn't allow anyone to get close enough to me. I've always avoided talking on the telephone. On facebook I hide myself so nobody can chat with me. I'm beginning to realize...what am I hiding from?

I think my Tuesday morning coffee break with a friend may be a day I really begin to look forward to!

Verse for today, May 4.

My faithful Father, you've warned me that when pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

Well, I think this is a proverb we can all stand to read once in awhile. We are all guilty of letting our pride influence our life. I know I am!

May 3, continued.

Today was an ordinary Monday. Worked all day at the vet clinic, then home this evening. Don't have to be at the cinema tonight.

Since giving my life to Christ and accepting him into mine, I've noticed some changes in myself. Nothing dramatic, mind you, just some changes. Even though the stresses in my life are still there, I'm not quite as spastic about them. While I still get a bit down and frustrated, I'm finding myself relying more on the comfort of God whereas before, I never did. I have begun searching out things in the Bible to read and find comfort in. I've also begun reading the Bible and really paying attention to it. While I did take the class "Read the Bible in 90 Days" last year..and I did read it...there is a difference between reading something because you have to...and really truly reading something. I am finding myself reading the Bible to absorb it. To understand it, to learn from it.

The same goes for Sunday service at church. And Pastor Darren, if you read this please don't get mad at me! Often in church, I found my mind wandering during the sermon. I would be thinking about my problems, about this or that...often not listening to the words spoken by my minister. Now mind you, I didn't do these every Sunday, but too many times. Last Sunday, though, I actually listened. I listened to every word and you know what...it was wonderful! The sermon was wonderful!!! And I left thinking about it and not thinking about other things.

Ok, enough ramblings for today......

May 3, 2010

Scripture verse for today:

My Lord and Savior, you have told me that if I live by the Spirit, I will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. Galatians 5:16

Hmm...this is a very thought provoking verse. When I think of sinful nature, I think of those who are struggling with drug or alcohol addiction. Or those who are married and having extramarital affairs. But, there are other things one can do to be considered "sinful nature". And I'm sure we are all guilty of something either now or in the past. Ordinary gossip about other people is a sin and one I am guilty of. And if I think hard enough, I could probably come up with a whole long list of things I'm guilty of.

More later today....

End of the day, May 2.

I was going to post a bit more today, but it's been a busy day and it's late. This was our first full day running the concession stand at the 41 Speedway Go-Cart Track. Thanks to our two great kitchen girls, Kristen and Tash, the day went pretty smoothly. I got there about 4PM to relieve Chris and worked till the end of the day. We greatly underestimated how many people and how much food we would need. They ran out of hamburgers before I even got there. By 7PM we had 7 hotdogs left. I felt bad we ran out of food. We also did not have candy which many kids wanted. We simply ran out of money the previous week in trying to stock that little kitchen.

This week we will restock and add in what we missed, so we won't disappoint anyone next week. We forgot coffee as well...and I was surprised how many people asked for it!

Hopefully, in a couple weeks, we will have this running a bit smoother with the food stocking and such...and hopefully this will make us a little extra money this summer. I'm just glad that for most of the summer it is only one day on the weekend. Not sure I could do two days!

And, boy, are these people serious about their go-cart racing! Each team has their own pit-crew, some have really elaborate set-ups. I just don't get into auto racing or any kind of racing like that. For me, it's just kind of boring and way too expensive of a hobby for my taste. But, I guess whatever makes you happy!!!

May 2, 2010

One thing I think I'm going to try doing, is post a scripture each day. Chosen randomly from a big box of scripture cards that I have. The one I pulled out today is:

Blessed is he who has regard for the weak; for you, Lord, deliver him in times of trouble. You, Lord, will protect him and preserve his life; You will bless him in the land and not surrender him to the desire of his foes. Psalm 41:1-3

This is a fitting passage for me as I tend to let my worries and anxieties dictate my life and my mood. A couple things have happened this week to cause me to have a minor "melt down" as I like to say. Perhaps if I would step back and listen to the word of the Lord...and understand that he truly will help me through these difficult situations my life may not be so focused on the bad, and I could focus more on the good. It's easier said then done...but, I am getting better.

More later today....

Some more for May 1!

God is good in so many ways. Today is the first day of doing the concession stand at the track. Money is tight at the moment as we've had to stock the kitchen there with food and pop. Most of our resources have gone into stocking that place so consequently I have very little in the check book and not much in the saving. (there wasn't much to start with in either of these).

Being today is May 1, we were supposed to have gotten Chris' annuity payment automatically deposited into the bank. But, it's not there...and they are not open to call today. We don't know if there is a problem since the bankruptcy settlement...the payment was not suppose to stop, just be reduced by half. Either, it's not there...and Chris doesn't get his paycheck until Monday...and we need change for the cash register for the track. What to do. There is 100.00 in the savings...pull it all out. But, we need more change then that. I was stressing and beginning to fall back into my "woe is me" ways this morning. Chris sent a text to Karen, who called. Talking to someone really, really helps. All my life I have kept any worries, stresses, anxieties bottle up inside of me. I'm surprised it hasn't killed me by now!


I'm so grateful for good friends who are there to listen. I also hope I will always be there to listen when any of my friends need an shoulder to lean on.

May 1, 2010

Wow, first day of May. This year is really going by way too fast.

Today I thought I would ramble a bit on myself and my past. I grew up in the small town of Hebron, Indiana. Met a guy from Chicago and we lived in Lansing, Illinois, for 18 years. We then moved to Rensselaer, Indiana, which is a bit bigger then Hebron was...but, not by a whole lot. It was a little bit of a culture shock for Chris.

When I was growing up I can remember going to Sunday School and Vacation Bible School. I think when I was in elementary school my mom attended church, but I know once I was in Junior High she did not. My dad never really did at all. My last memory of him coming to church was the day of my confirmation. For whatever reason my mom could not come that Sunday, so he came because a parent was supposed to be there when you were confirmed. It was weird seeing him attend church...he was definitely not comfortable there!

I did attend church...mainly because my best friends did. It was the Methodist Church in Hebron and my fondest memories of Junior High and High School were of my times with the youth group there. I can remember doing Starve-In's, Wakathons, going on Senior High retreat at Epworth. I attended camp beginning at Pine Creek up through Epworth Forest and Heights. When I was a senior in high school I became a counselor at Junior High camp at Pine Creek for one week during the summer...and I did that for about 4 or 5 years.

One year out of high school I met my future husband. Believe it or not, we met at a square dance. My parents were extremely active in modern western square dancing. I was somewhat involved. Chris got involved in square dancing in Chicago as there was a club who met not far from his home...and he liked the skirts the ladies were wearing!!! He then got involved in square dance calling because he has a nice singing voice and felt he could do better then the guys he heard doing the calling. So, ultimately we met at a dance because my parents introduced us. They had actually met him 6 months before I did.

Ok...enough babbling for now.....be later today, maybe!