What ifs.

Sunday evening Chris and I had a discussion.  Almost an argument..well, very close to an argument.  Something that has been on my mind lately is that he does not have health insurance.  I have insurance, but it is expensive and it comes with a 10,000 deductible.   I sometimes wonder if it's even worth keeping, but it's one of those things I'm too afraid to drop.  His current job does not offer insurance, so he is going to try and apply for a State of Indiana health plan available to people who don't make a lot of money and who's jobs do not offer it. He cannot apply for it until March 1. My insurance is going up in February, so dropping it is becoming more and more likely.   But, then I ask the questions...What if?  What if one of us is in an accident, or one of us gets diagnosed with cancer, or if one of us had a heart attack...do we just die because we have no insurance and no means to pay for medical treatments or procedures?  What if.  I tend to live and dwell on the "what ifs".

I wish Chris could find a job that would provide these things.  In Rensselaer, there are not many jobs like that available....especially to a man who is about to turn the age of 50.  Looking for a better job is what triggered our discussion.  I want him to search harder for such a job, he on the other hand likes his current job.  Likes what he does, likes the hours, likes the fact there is almost no stress.  It doesn't pay a lot, but as he said...for the first time in a long time he feels happy.  

He gets very frustrated with me as I am still dwelling on the "what ifs".  Why can't I trust in God to cover the "what ifs"  he says to me.

I don't know why.  I don't know why I dwell on the "what ifs".  Why can't I get past the "what ifs"?