Last evening I had the privilege to give the Fourth Day talk at the Emmaus Gathering that took place at my church. It was a wonderful evening of worshiping Christ, fellowship with friends and singing. I thought I would post my talk here in my blog. This was my first talk given for an Emmaus get-together. I was nervous, but it all came together.
Hello, my name is Jodi Kosary. I am from the table of Abigail, Walk # 40.
I was what you might call a Reluctant Pilgrim. Chris and I were fairly new to Brushwood and I recall hearing talk about the Emmaus group. Up until then, I had never heard of them before and knew absolutely nothing about it. I did look it up to see if I could learn a bit more about it, but that was really as far as I went. It seemed a little different and I really didn't understand it, so I did not pursue it any further. Then, Karen asked me one day if I would like to go on the Walk. Now, I am someone who does not like to hurt other peoples feelings. I told her..."sure!" even tho inside of me I wasn't to keen on going. I don't really know why I was reluctant, perhaps it was the unknown factor in it all. I do know at the time there were some difficult things going on in my life, but I agreed to go. Leading up the that weekend, though, I kept trying to think of excuses that I could give for not going. And most of the excuses I came up with were pretty lame and silly.
Anyway, the weekend came and I went. I was the only pilgrim from Brushwood on that walk. I went and remember that first night it just all felt weird and different. The no talking thing was difficult, especially when you are in a room with other women you don't know at all. For some reason I thought that the time of silence was suppose to end with the ringing of the morning bell on Friday. So, when I heard that...I and the rest of the ladies in my room started talking again...and loudly. We sort of got a little reprimand about that. I felt bad because I had been the instigator in the early morning chatter.
The weekend progressed, and as I'm sure you all know it did become a life changing weekend for me and afterward I was so grateful that I did go. The whole experience, from all the talks, to the Dieing moments, to Saturday evening and closing....it was quite a weekend. I almost wish I could redo the whole weekend again, because many parts of it are just a blur because I had so many emotions going through me the whole time.
I have always been what I considered a Christian. But, I realized after the walk that I was one of the many people who really just go through the motions of a Christian. I attended church...most of the time,because it was what you should do. I was involved in somethings within the church...took some classes, was in the choir and even went on a few Appalachia Service Project mission trips. But, I rarely, if ever read the Bible...rarely, if ever did a daily devotion...and rarely....OK, never...prayed. Sure..I was one of the ones who prayed when I really, really wanted something. Anytime I may have prayed the prayers were always about me, me, me. When my husband was involved in a life threatening accident in 2002, I never prayed for his healing. When my dad was sick and dieing in 1992, I never prayed for him or my family. Now, I do pray...or should I say, I have conversations with God. Praying formally still seems awkward for me...so I just talk to God like I'm having a conversation. While I'm driving, doing house work, or whenever. Sometimes out loud, sometimes to myself. But, I will talk to him about people I know who need his help, who are sick, or anyone or anything that I feel the need for him to hear.
Since my walk I have become much more involved at church, recently completing Disciple 1 and have recently begun for the second time...Read the Bible in 90 Days. I am involved with our Praise Team, Ladies Book Club and recently initiated the start of a Ladies Bible Study/Prayer Group. For me to begin and get off the ground something like that is nothing I would have never done before. The difference with these things now is I'm involved in them because I want to be..not because I feel I should be.
My walk took place also at a time in my life of much stress. I was harboring a lot of anger and bitterness towards some people who we had been involved in a business with. The whole situation ended with us leaving a business we had spent a lot of sweat and finances to build. I am not going to go into details about that, but after my walk I was finally able to release all the bitterness I was holding onto. I was finally able to move past all this and it was like being reborn to have those burdens off my shoulders.
After my walk, I have found I deal with stress and adversity better. Prior, I would be known to stress-out and melt down. While dealing with stressful situations is still something I struggle with, I have evolved emotionally that I can handle things better. An example....the whole situation with our business also caused us to experience a personal financial crisis. To be blunt, we had to declare personal bankruptcy. During this, our van was repossessed. I remember the morning Chris discovered it gone, he came upstairs and I could tell by the look on his face something was wrong. He told me...and then he waited for me to lose it and freak out. But, I didn't. My first thought was...OK, how are we going to deal with this. He was more shocked at that point by my calm reaction then to the fact the van was gone.
I strongly urge all the new pilgrims and anyone else who has not worked on a walk to please consider doing so. I worked in the kitchen for one day on the men's walk in 2010 and then this past women's walk I worked on the Agape team the whole time. It was rewarding, it was tiring, but it was just as meaningful as when I was a pilgrim on my own walk. Serving the pilgrims behind the scenes was awesome. I still recall being in the Fireplace room (or as Marcia referred to it in her state of exhaustion as the “fire station room”) and hearing the singing and laughter from the conference room and it was all I could do to keep myself from going in there and joining in. I look forward to serving on more walks in the future.
The dates for the walks for April 2012 have been set. There is plenty of time to make sure you an get your schedules arranged so you can work on the walks. Even if you can only work one day, I urge all those who have never been on team to do so. It is quite an experience and one I really look forward to doing so again on future walks.
Also, try to find and get involved in a reunion group. Meeting and sharing in a small group like this is a wonderful way to keep your faith and spirit strong after the walks. The same goes for the Gatherings. Try to attend as many as you can. I have met and developed wonderful friendships with many at the Gatherings.
My fourth days....it's really hard to put into words all that I have gone through during my fourth days. As I've already said, I'm doing things I would have never done before. Thinking in ways I've never thought before. And just looking at life in a whole new perspective. When you truly open your life and heart to Christ to be your guide....wonderful things can happen. One particular Bible verse quite often comes to mind and I'm sure you have all heard it. Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.:
De Colores
No comments:
Post a Comment