August 31, 2011

Last day of August which means Fall will be here soon. Fall is my favorite season of the year. Cooler temps, beautiful colors. We were married the end of October mostly because October is my favorite month.

We are going on day 3 of Chris being unemployed. He has put his application in at many places around town. If nothing comes of these, he will expand out into nearby towns. He does have an appointment tomorrow with a company here to take a computer assessment test. I'm pretty sure it's one of those employment type tests a lot of companies are doing. They told him the test takes about an hour and a half. I will be doing a lot of praying between now and then.

I am also dealing with a very depressed husband. To be 49 years old and suddenly unemployed again...well, since Monday afternoon he has complained of a constant headache and is extremely tired. He did go to the doctor today since he is still insured for a few more days. Got checked out for his medication refills and his blood pressure is good. So, at least I know the headaches are not from high blood pressure.

It is in times like these you truly appreciate good friends and a good church family. We have had a couple people, both friends and family, step forward to help us out financially. (and a very special friend who listened when I needed someone to listen to me. (((Karen)))) Chris applied for unemployment and so far his application online says "open" and not "denied". If it gets approved we will be OK for a little while if he is unable to find a job right away. I feel the need to begin looking for a job that will give me more hours. I dearly love my job at the church and also my two day a week job at the vet clinic. But, the reality is...I need something that gives me more then 24 hours a week. That may not be so easy to find in with so many people also looking for work, plus living in a small town makes it harder.

So for now...one day at a time. And lots of praying.

August 29, 2011

Well, it's been really, really bad day. Last year was really bad year for us. This year had actually been going along well, things have been looking up. Then...BAM! Chris lost his job today. It was totally his fault, he accidentally sold cigarettes to a minor at Family Express where he works. The policy there is you card anyone who doesn't look over 30. He was busy, made a bad decision..thought the guy was over 30. Turns out, he was a government plant sent in to do just what he did...catch someone not carding for minors...and the guy was a minor. Zero tolerance, out the door you go. One day employed, then next not. It was just a year ago that we were dealing with this same thing. He lost a job a year ago, but found another within a week. I pray he is as fortunate this time around...but, we must prepare in case he doesn't. And it's doubtful he can collect unemployment since he was fired.

After an exhilarating weekend with the Emmaus Gathering, and me giving my Fourth Day speech, now this. And part of my speech was on how I handle adversity. I am not handling it so well today. I made it through the last half of my work day, and came home and did a whole lot of crying. We assessed our bills and what monies we have. If worse come to shove....my health insurance will be the first to go. Second will be life insurance. My biggest concern is keeping the house. With a second mortgage along with the initial mortgage...it's going to be tough.

My good friend Karen came by and just sat and let me cry and talk. She has been in my shoes, so knows what we're going through. I just don't feel that I am handling this adversity very well.

I will write more on this tomorrow. Just getting some thoughts down for the moment.

August 27, 2011

Last evening I had the privilege to give the Fourth Day talk at the Emmaus Gathering that took place at my church. It was a wonderful evening of worshiping Christ, fellowship with friends and singing. I thought I would post my talk here in my blog. This was my first talk given for an Emmaus get-together. I was nervous, but it all came together.

Hello, my name is Jodi Kosary. I am from the table of Abigail, Walk # 40.

I was what you might call a Reluctant Pilgrim. Chris and I were fairly new to Brushwood and I recall hearing talk about the Emmaus group. Up until then, I had never heard of them before and knew absolutely nothing about it. I did look it up to see if I could learn a bit more about it, but that was really as far as I went. It seemed a little different and I really didn't understand it, so I did not pursue it any further. Then, Karen asked me one day if I would like to go on the Walk. Now, I am someone who does not like to hurt other peoples feelings. I told her..."sure!" even tho inside of me I wasn't to keen on going. I don't really know why I was reluctant, perhaps it was the unknown factor in it all. I do know at the time there were some difficult things going on in my life, but I agreed to go. Leading up the that weekend, though, I kept trying to think of excuses that I could give for not going. And most of the excuses I came up with were pretty lame and silly.

Anyway, the weekend came and I went. I was the only pilgrim from Brushwood on that walk. I went and remember that first night it just all felt weird and different. The no talking thing was difficult, especially when you are in a room with other women you don't know at all. For some reason I thought that the time of silence was suppose to end with the ringing of the morning bell on Friday. So, when I heard that...I and the rest of the ladies in my room started talking again...and loudly. We sort of got a little reprimand about that. I felt bad because I had been the instigator in the early morning chatter.

The weekend progressed, and as I'm sure you all know it did become a life changing weekend for me and afterward I was so grateful that I did go. The whole experience, from all the talks, to the Dieing moments, to Saturday evening and closing....it was quite a weekend. I almost wish I could redo the whole weekend again, because many parts of it are just a blur because I had so many emotions going through me the whole time.

I have always been what I considered a Christian. But, I realized after the walk that I was one of the many people who really just go through the motions of a Christian. I attended church...most of the time,because it was what you should do. I was involved in somethings within the church...took some classes, was in the choir and even went on a few Appalachia Service Project mission trips. But, I rarely, if ever read the Bible...rarely, if ever did a daily devotion...and rarely....OK, never...prayed. Sure..I was one of the ones who prayed when I really, really wanted something. Anytime I may have prayed the prayers were always about me, me, me. When my husband was involved in a life threatening accident in 2002, I never prayed for his healing. When my dad was sick and dieing in 1992, I never prayed for him or my family. Now, I do pray...or should I say, I have conversations with God. Praying formally still seems awkward for me...so I just talk to God like I'm having a conversation. While I'm driving, doing house work, or whenever. Sometimes out loud, sometimes to myself. But, I will talk to him about people I know who need his help, who are sick, or anyone or anything that I feel the need for him to hear.

Since my walk I have become much more involved at church, recently completing Disciple 1 and have recently begun for the second time...Read the Bible in 90 Days. I am involved with our Praise Team, Ladies Book Club and recently initiated the start of a Ladies Bible Study/Prayer Group. For me to begin and get off the ground something like that is nothing I would have never done before. The difference with these things now is I'm involved in them because I want to be..not because I feel I should be.

My walk took place also at a time in my life of much stress. I was harboring a lot of anger and bitterness towards some people who we had been involved in a business with. The whole situation ended with us leaving a business we had spent a lot of sweat and finances to build. I am not going to go into details about that, but after my walk I was finally able to release all the bitterness I was holding onto. I was finally able to move past all this and it was like being reborn to have those burdens off my shoulders.

After my walk, I have found I deal with stress and adversity better. Prior, I would be known to stress-out and melt down. While dealing with stressful situations is still something I struggle with, I have evolved emotionally that I can handle things better. An example....the whole situation with our business also caused us to experience a personal financial crisis. To be blunt, we had to declare personal bankruptcy. During this, our van was repossessed. I remember the morning Chris discovered it gone, he came upstairs and I could tell by the look on his face something was wrong. He told me...and then he waited for me to lose it and freak out. But, I didn't. My first thought was...OK, how are we going to deal with this. He was more shocked at that point by my calm reaction then to the fact the van was gone.

I strongly urge all the new pilgrims and anyone else who has not worked on a walk to please consider doing so. I worked in the kitchen for one day on the men's walk in 2010 and then this past women's walk I worked on the Agape team the whole time. It was rewarding, it was tiring, but it was just as meaningful as when I was a pilgrim on my own walk. Serving the pilgrims behind the scenes was awesome. I still recall being in the Fireplace room (or as Marcia referred to it in her state of exhaustion as the “fire station room”) and hearing the singing and laughter from the conference room and it was all I could do to keep myself from going in there and joining in. I look forward to serving on more walks in the future.

The dates for the walks for April 2012 have been set. There is plenty of time to make sure you an get your schedules arranged so you can work on the walks. Even if you can only work one day, I urge all those who have never been on team to do so. It is quite an experience and one I really look forward to doing so again on future walks.

Also, try to find and get involved in a reunion group. Meeting and sharing in a small group like this is a wonderful way to keep your faith and spirit strong after the walks. The same goes for the Gatherings. Try to attend as many as you can. I have met and developed wonderful friendships with many at the Gatherings.

My fourth days....it's really hard to put into words all that I have gone through during my fourth days. As I've already said, I'm doing things I would have never done before. Thinking in ways I've never thought before. And just looking at life in a whole new perspective. When you truly open your life and heart to Christ to be your guide....wonderful things can happen. One particular Bible verse quite often comes to mind and I'm sure you have all heard it. Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.:

De Colores

August 21, 2011

Chris and I have been going through rough patch for about a year and a half. We've been struggling some financially, struggling some emotionally and even struggling some spiritually. Losing a business, a job, a dog whom we loved very much, and now this year some medical issues....it does get one down a bit. Now, I know there are lots of folks struggling right along with us in their own lives...some much worse then we. For most of this time, we have both been coping in our own way. I hold my worries inside most of the time. I think Chris does that, too for the most part..but, he does deal with things better and is better at turning his worries over to the Lord. I am getting better at this, and am also getting better at not keeping things pent up inside as much.

This morning we were giving a check at church to help with medical expenses. This was totally unexpected, and left me speechless and in tears. I didn't know what to say. We have never received help like this, but then...we have never been in such a period of struggle as we have been. I was overwhelmed and touched. It is hard to accept help. Someone I work with who had been going through her own financial struggles, has been slowly climbing up out of her abyss. A few weeks ago she had an unexpected 30 dollars. Not a lot, but unexpected. And she gave it to me and insisted I keep it. That particular week I did need gas money...and I told her I would pay it back. She said, no...it's a gift. You can't give a gift back.

It is so much easier for most of us to give help to others. To offer assistance whether it be financially, a meal taken to some one's home, a ride in a car when needed or just someone to talk to. But, most of us find it hard to be on the other end of this and to be the one receiving it. I am one of these and as of late, I have had to swallow my pride and accept some assistance from others.

I have a wonderful church family...and a wonderful network of friends. When I moan and groan about troubles in my life...I really need to slap myself because I have so many things to thank God for. More blessings then I realize, but am slowly opening my eyes to.

God is good, all the time. And all the time we should be thanking him.

August 15, 2011

Well, tonight is my first night playing the piano for the Worship Team at my church. This night has been approaching for several weeks and I have had very mixed feelings about it. It's one of those situations where everyone else has much more confidence in me then I do. I have posted about this here in my blog before, but tonight is "the" night. And next Sunday will be "the" first Sunday.

We said goodbye last week to our wonderful friends Karen and Wayne and their family. Not goodbye as in moving far away, but in that they are going to be serving at another church in our area in the ministry. Thus, they left Brushwood and have officially become members of the Wolcott Methodist Church. This is why I will now be playing the piano for the Worship Team. Me and my rusty fingers.

I have a tote bag with my music in it that I have been making for myself over the past few weeks. This so I can work on different pieces here at home. I'm sure what I have here is only a small fraction of the music the team has accumulated over the years. Today I sat down and organized it somewhat in several folders. Here are my folders:

-Pieces we are doing in the upcoming two Sundays.
-Pieces I have pretty much learned and can play fairly well.
-Pieces I'm working on, but have along way to go.
-Pieces I haven't even touched.

And that is how these folders are labeled!!!! Kind of goofy, but works for me. I'm sure it will get easier as the weeks progress, but I won't deny I will probably be broke out in hives over the next several Sundays. Guess higher neck tops are in order for me to cover the splotches!!!!

August 13, 2011

I think there are about 5 classes left in my "Read the Bible in 90 Days" class. This is my second time through. We are currently in Isaiah into Jeremiah. I found this section difficult the first time through and it is equally difficult now. Plus, I got behind this past week, so I have been trying to read quickly and more often to get caught up. Sometimes, I will be reading along and my mind begins to wander and I realize...I don't remember what I had just read! So, I go back and reread it. But, it's funny....even when I don't seem to be comprehending what I'm reading some passages will pop up. Like the passage that is the head of my blog. Jeremiah 29:11.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Such a powerful verse! It is one that I know most Christians are familiar with, but it is one that never ceases to make me stop and really appreciate the wonders of God.

August 10, 2011

The weather has finally cooled down. It has been a really hot, humid summer and the cooler air is so refreshing. Not to mention it helps one to sleep better...at least for me.

Ever so often, I will look for people on the Internet from my past. Folks I have lost touch with, even if they are people I only dealt with in my life for a short time. One such person was a guitar teacher named Dan DeVries. When we lived in Lansing, Illinois, I had the desire to try to learn to play guitar the right way. I had self taught myself as a teenager, pretty much just learning cords and strumming. My dream had always been to learn finger-pick style guitar. This lead me to Dan. I tool lessons for about a year...never really getting the hang of it. Then, Dan went through a nasty divorce and he moved over by Valparaiso and began teaching for a store there called Front Porch Music. Dan was about my age. We lost track of him after a few years, but heard that he was doing well at Front Porch and was a much sought after teacher.

This past week, I looked him up on-line. On the Front Porch website there was no listing of him at all. I tried a google search, but the only info I could find was a blurb on a guitar collectors website. This website featured guitars and why that particular guitar was special. One guitar the collector mentioned as having been owned by the "late" Dan DeVries. And that Dan had "let the beloved guitar go near the end".

I sent an email to Front Porch, then, enquiring about Dan. I learned that he had died in 2002. That was almost 10 years ago. They did not reveal the cause of his death, but the little blurb at the collector's website leads me to believe he must have died from a fast moving cancer or something like that.

Not really sure why I'm writing about that here. It was a bit of a shock to discover this, even though it was not someone I was close to. I just remember Dan as being an excellent musician, excellent teacher and a really, really nice guy. And it also makes you realize...life is precious. And you just don't know when the Lord will call you home to him.

Since he died almost 10 years ago, I could not find any pictures of him at all on the Internet. Just the one picture of a guitar he used to own and must have sold right before he passed.

August 2, 2011

Wow, it's August already. Summer is almost over and as hot as it's been, I'm glad it's almost over. Fall is my favorite season anyway, and really looking forward to the cooler temps. We have been busy the past week. We took a drive up to Brookfield, Illinois to visit our friends and stayed a couple of nights. It's always nice visiting them and just getting away. One nice thing about when we go there, we can take Charlotte along. They have a little dog named Molly and they both get along great.

This coming weekend will be equally busy. Chris' mom is coming to visit for a few days. Chris is giving the sermon in church this Sunday and she is coming to hear him preach. She arrives on Thursday and will probably go home after church on Sunday.

Of course, things at church are keeping me busy. The ladies group I started meets on Monday evening. Tuesday evening is Worship Team practice and Wednesday evening I'm in the Read The Bible in 90 Days class. Tomorrow I am planning on not going to that class as I have to get the house ready for mother-in-law and that will be my only time to do it. Her room needs to be cleaned as well as the bathroom.

Now, if it would just cool off a bit!