April 30, 2010.

Well, its a warm, but windy day outside. I hit a few garage sales with my mom this morning...spent a whole $ 2.00!!!! She is always looking for clothes for her great-granddaughter and she did find several things that she bought for her. My niece is a young, single mom and grandma is always helping her out.

Tonight we are going to attend our first Emmaus Gathering. I am looking forward to this and looking forward to seeing some of the people I met last weekend. It's up in Hammond, Indiana, so will be a little bit of a drive.

I thought I would reflect a bit on last weekend. I thought about it this morning on my walk. I have been asked to do the scripture reading at church Sunday. I think I'm going to use John 8:12: When Jesus spoke to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."

My decision last week to accept Christ into my heart really wasn't specifically because of my attending the Emmas Walk. I think you can sum it up in the conversation I had with my husband afterward. Sunday we talked a bit about the weekend and my experiences. I told him I had accepted Christ. His reply was, that is nice, I am happy for you. I asked him...have you ever done that, accepted Chris as your Savior. Give your life to him. His reply was...."I'm not really sure". He asked me how I knew, why I chose that weekend.

I've been thinking about that. Some people may think it's because of the weekend and all that took place. But, that is not really true. To be honest, I began that weekend skeptical...only taking it half seriously. On Thursday evening when we were asked to spend the time before bedtime in silence, I just thought..what a pain. You can't chat with all these new people. On Friday during the first couple of talks, I only half paid attention. I often found my mind wondering away on other things. Because of that, when it came time for discussion on the talks I was glad for the printed handouts they gave us. Later in the afternoon, I began to pay more attention to the talks and what the speakers had to say. My mind wandered less and I began to focus more on the messages that were being conveyed.

Saturday, I was getting more into the weekend, I began finding the discussions very moving and thought provoking. The time after each talk when each table discussed it, all of the ladies at my group were getting more and more involved. The communion we shared that afternoon was very moving and meaningful....but, I still kind of felt on the outside looking in.

That evening was another special time. Towards the end, all the participants were asked to step away by ourselves and reflect on how we were feeling...how we felt God speaking to us, etc. I found an empty chair not beside anyone and sat there. The room was dim, and I just listened. I began to hear a voice in my head...kind of telling me, Jodi it's time. It's time. One of the ministers was not talking to anyone at this point, so I approached him. And asked him honestly...."how do you know when it's time to give your life to Christ." As I have said before...you hear about people doing this, but how do they know? He looked at me with a big smile and said, "Jodi, if you need to ask me that, then you should already know the answer!" And, he was right...I did know the answer. He sat with me and Karen came over to. I honesty don't remember all the words he spoke that evening. I do know I listened intently, but as to his exact words I couldn't tell you know. I just knew at that moment...it was time.

End of the day, April 29.

It's been a busy, busy day. Worked all day at the vet clinic...then, we loaded up a trailer and drove all the food out to the go cart track to get the kitchen stocked. We agreed to do the concession stand at this track before we walked out of The Doghouse. We didn't want to let our friend who owns the track down, so we are still going to do it. This can either be good or bad. It can go well and make us some decent extra money this summer. Or, it can be a real pain in the rear, be more trouble then it's worth and we won't do it again next summer. Luckily, it's only one day on the weekends...most weekends. Occasionally it is two days. But, at least there are two weekends where there are no races.

So, we'll see how it goes....

Tonight, we may be getting together with some good friends from church. They are at a meeting at church right now and will give us a call when done. Sometimes church council meetings can be fairly long, so however late the meeting goes will probably determine if we do get together. It's very nice having friends who we can get together with to just talk. Don't get me wrong, we do have close friends...but, they do not live close by. Frank and Karen, who we have been friends with forever, live an hour and a half north. Plus, our friends from church (Wayne and Karen)...they are a couple who I am finding I just feel really, really comfortable with. A couple who I can really talk to...about things I would never dream of talking to anyone else about.

To be honest, I have never really had a close friend who I could confide my problems with. Sure, you can talk to your husband...but, there are sometimes you want to talk to someone else. It's nice to have a friend who I can do that with. Plus, it's nice to have someone who I can connect with who understands what happened to me last weekend on the Emmaus Walk. Someone who doesn't look at me like I've suddenly gone nutty.

Ok...getting tired now....better go before I begin to ramble senselessly.

April 29, 2010.

Today is going to be kind of a busy day, so this may be the extent of my posting. I have to work at the vet clinic all day, then this evening either the cinema...or hauling food out to the track. It will all depend if Bill, the owner of the track gets back from South Bend in time to run the movie himself.

My fears with the tax issue from the state are still weighing on my mind just a bit. It is not bothering as much as it normally would, but it is there. I keep being reminded of what a friend of mine told me. When the Lord does something wonderful, the Devil pops in to try and take that happiness away. And he sure is working overtime on this one.

April 28, 2010, continued...

I didn't want to make this all one long post, so thought I'd break it up into two. Since last weekend, things have been different. I wasn't sure if it was just the euphoric high you get from experiences like that. I've been wondering if the feelings will wear off and I will eventually go back to my life as it was. Or if indeed things have changed. So, far it seems things have changed.

Not sure if it's all these changes or what, but my stomach has been a mess for the last couple of days. And this started before we got the lovely envelope delivered to our door by the Sheriff's department. I'll go into that later, don't really feel like thinking about that right now. Anyway, my stomach has been a mess since yesterday morning. On and off upset, along with those pleasant frequent trips to the bathroom. I've been know to have stomach problems when I'm upset...but, I'm not really upset. Who knows...maybe I'm just getting old.

My husband keeps asking me to explain why things have changed...how they have changed...what I feel, etc. I keep trying to tell him, it's hard to put into words. And, I truly don't know how to put it into words. I'm hoping by doing a blog, perhaps I can get myself to understand it.

He and I said a prayer before bed last night. In all our 25 years of marriage, we have never done that. Felt good, also felt a bit awkward. We've also started an email thing with our friends Wayne and Karen to discuss our feelings about each days Upper Room devotion. That has been a nice addition to my morning, though sometimes it's hard to express how I do feel about each devotion. I'm sure it is something that will get easier as time goes.

I've been thinking about the issues that I've dealt with the past few months with our business. Chris and I had a talk with our Pastor a couple weeks ago. He asked us if we ever felt we would want to sit down and discuss things with the other couple involved. At that time, I honestly did not think any good would come of it. Now, I'm not so sure...and am thinking maybe it would be something we should do. I almost approached my Pastor on this today when I saw him at the Bible study class. I ultimately did not ask him then, thought I'd better discuss it with Chris first. But, I'm thinking perhaps it is time to sit down with them. Even if though refuse to, or if they won't forgive us....at least I know that I have tried.

April 28, 2010

I am like a great many people in this world. Someone who has always considered myself a Christian. Gone through life doing the things I always thought a Christian should do. I went to church. Sometimes on a regular basis, sometimes not. When attending regularly, I was also doing the things you were supposed to do. Attend Sunday School, volunteered for a committee now and then. Attended some evening church functions, etc. During church service I would sometimes pay attention, I would sometimes let my mind wonder away onto other life's problems.

When I would hear people say they had accepted Jesus as their Savior and gave their life to Christ...I would smile and nod and say, that is wonderful! But, I would then kind of turn and be skeptical of this. Kind of like...yeah, right, I'm sure you did. I really didn't know what these people meant by that, I guess. Someone I work with is one of these people and she is always so happy in her life...even when her life is not going well. She still has a smile and an encouraging word no matter how hard things are for her. I never really compared myself to her, but in reality I was not like that at all. I was unhappy, depressed, had the "oh woe is me" attitude most of the time.

I was invited to attend a Christian retreat recently. I really wasn't sure I wanted to go, I did so because I didn't want to hurt the feelings of the person who had invited me. I had been on Christian retreats before, but not since I was a teenager. This retreat was called Walk to Emmaus. Sounded kind of weird, but in a small way I was curious.

Little did I know that weekend would change my life!